So you may have noticed in the past few years, my beloved Blog has dwindled in number of posts. Now I can assure you this is not by choice -oh no! But there are very personal reasons for this.
I never thought I’d ever be so public with this – but I’m going to take a deep breath. Here goes …
To everyone around me, I am the happiest person you will ever find. I always wear a smile. I’m always laughing. I’m always doing as much as I can to keep people happy. There is no way there could be anything wrong in my life.
But if you look a bit closer, it is a very different story.
In September 2015, after a heartfelt discussion with my best friend who encouraged me to go to the doctors, I was diagnosed with severe depression and (social) anxiety. From there, my world took a very dark turn.
I broke down at work. I had to give up my additional responsibilities. I tried to cut my wrists twice. I had 3 immediate family members diagnosed with cancer. I had a supportive workplace become completely unsupportive, and as a result of this – I was told that if I didn’t make “changes” and quickly, I would lose my teaching qualifications permanently.
It got worse.
Those 3 family members who has cancer? Two of them died within 2 weeks of each other. The other – my Mom – was meant to have her cancer removed in November. But it was unsuccessful as the cancer had spread, meaning it’s now incurable. Add to that that out of the blue – another immediate family member had a heart attack and died in my arms.
Yes – it really hasn’t been the best few years.
I won’t lie – there were many times that I wanted to give up. To give in. I will be the first to say that I still have some days when those black thoughts (as I call them!) creep in and try and take over.
But the thing is – I didn’t give up.
I got help. I’ve had therapy (which I’ve found helpful); I was prescribed anti-depressants which helped me find balance; I talked to my nearest and dearest – and to those who also have their own battles and I was willing to try different things to try and help me get better.
Today – I feel more comfortable in discussing my own journey so far. Hey, I’ve written this Blog post about it – you can’t be more open than that 😊😊😊
But in all seriousness, there is never an end to the rollercoaster that is depression and anxiety. There are good days and bad days – I still get them even now – and that is OK! Some days, you’ll feel on top of the world, but a day later – you’ll feel like you want the world to just eat you up. Again, that’s OK!
Some people will get you. Some people won’t. Some people will support you. Others will feel they can’t. Believe me when I say – I have experienced all of the above.
What I will say is that this is my journey. When it comes to depression, anxiety or any mental health issue – no one will go through the same thing.
I hope that by sharing my story (so far) that I can show anyone out there reading this that even through the darkest of darkest days, a way through can be found. It may take a while and it will be tough – but you can do it. Never doubt it.
And I now hope you can all see why I haven’t been around as much. I’m hoping to change this – but that’s a story for another time.
Signing out …….